At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
