I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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