My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
