Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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