in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
