I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
