I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
