its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
