I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize