I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
