so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
