I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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