I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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