Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
