in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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