are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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