how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
