i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
