matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
