Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
