??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Boobs are out for the taking
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
