she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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