OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
