it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
