sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
