Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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