The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
