i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
