Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize