i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
