Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
