your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
