1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
