I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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