Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
