idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
