My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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