How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize