I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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