remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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