Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
