My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
