WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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