Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
