I think my fart just growled at me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
