im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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