I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
