i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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