remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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