He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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