Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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