we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
