You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
