quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
