i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
