I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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