ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize