Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
