nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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